


Projected Longing

by Chocolatequeen



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Wolf, Bad Wolf Rose Tyler, Episode: s01e06 Dalek, Episode: s01e07 The Long Game, Episode: s01e10 The Doctor Dances, Episode: s01e13 The Parting of the Ways, Episode: s01e14 The Christmas Invasion, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Romance, Telepathy, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-14 08:48:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8006338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chocolatequeen/pseuds/Chocolatequeen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on a prompt: Person A can read minds and person B is always thinking about kissing them. Complete with Reluctant!Doctor and Interfering!TARDIS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The Doctor watched Rose out of the corner of his eye while he set the coordinates for their next trip. She was dressed in jeans and a white vest today, somehow looking both confident and vulnerable.

A band tightened around his hearts, a feeling he recognised but refused to put a name to. Until yesterday, he’d been able to tell himself Rose was just a companion, another friend travelling with him. But then he’d looked at her across the Cabinet Room table, her life in his hands, and he’d realised he couldn’t lose her—no matter what the cost.

Rose had been stronger than him. She’d looked back at him, absolute trust shining in her eyes, and told him to give the order. Somehow, they’d made it out of Number 10 intact, but not without the Doctor’s worldview being reduced to the same rubble as the building.

He should have left her in London. He couldn’t afford to place the value of a single life over a planet—he didn’t have that luxury.

But he also couldn’t live without Rose, it seemed, and so here they were.

_God, he’s gorgeous._

The Doctor’s head whipped up. _She couldn’t have just said…_ “Did you say something, Rose?”

Rose pulled a strand of hair over her shoulder and played with the ends. “Nah… I was just wondering where we’re going.” She sidled up to him and looked over his shoulder, even though she couldn’t read the display, since it was in Gallifreyan.

_An’ he smells amazing, too._

The Doctor’s hand jerked, throwing the dematerialisation lever and sending them into flight. That had _definitely_ been Rose, but her lips hadn’t moved, which meant… He did a cursory check of his telepathic barriers and swore to himself when he realised they were almost non-existent.

As a touch telepath, he typically had to be physically touching a person to pick up their thoughts. However, if thoughts were directed at him by someone in the same room, he could sometimes hear them. The most basic of telepathic barriers kept those stray thoughts out, but apparently, losing the presence of the Time Lords in his head had damaged his telepathic centres, leaving him completely open.

He stroked the console and begged the TARDIS for help. It wasn’t right to be peeking into Rose’s head, even if he wasn’t doing it on purpose.

Connected as they were, the Doctor felt it when the TARDIS picked up a subspace signal and changed course. He opened his eyes and looked down at the new coordinates: Earth. Utah, North America. 2012.

They landed with a hard thud, and the Doctor shrugged into his leather coat while Rose pulled her hoodie on. _All right, old girl_. _Let’s see what pulled us here._

oOoOoOoOo

Hours later, after Rose and Adam had gone to bed, the Doctor stood in the console room and glared at the time rotor. _I ask you for barriers, and you let a Dalek peek at my thoughts?_ The lights flashed, and he scowled. _Oh, don’t even try,_ he told her. _I know you know how I feel about Rose. But whatever ideas you’ve got floating around your rusty circuits, get rid of them. She’s too young and innocent—she deserves better than me._

The TARDIS watched her Thief stalk down the corridor and hummed thoughtfully. Her Wolf _was_ innocent, but she already cared so much for the Doctor. Rose could help him heal, if he’d let her.

An idea occurred to her, and a tinkling chime of amusement echoed through the ship. Her Thief would not be pleased, but he would just have to learn to live with it.

oOoOoOoOo

The Doctor was wary the next morning. He’d felt the TARDIS’ amusement the night before, and he was afraid to know what the she had planned. However, when two hours passed and he didn’t receive a single stray thought from his companion, he relaxed—and tried not to consider that Rose might be too wrapped up in Adam to even spare a thought for her grumpy alien chauffeur.

The fact that she’d left Adam by himself to explore Satellite Five with him certainly eased those worries, and by the time the Doctor and Rose stepped into the lift to go to Floor 500, he’d almost forgotten she’d brought the boy with them.

The Doctor chuckled as Cathica muttered a final order to not get her involved in their investigation. Humans could be so different. Cathica was too worried about her own future to even be curious when something was obviously wrong, and Adam couldn’t handle a bit of culture shock.

But then… then there was Rose. Rose who fit into his life better than almost anyone he’d ever travelled with. He’d given her a bit of a challenge earlier, when Adam had fainted at their feet, and she’d made it clear that no matter what anyone else did, she was sticking with him.

He shot her a sideways glance. “That’s her gone. Adam’s given up. Looks like it’s just you and me.”

She met his gaze, head-on. “Yeah.”

“Good.”

“Yep.”

The Doctor’s smile widened at Rose’s nod and confident tone. He turned to the port and inserted the keycard they’d been given, then took her hand as the lift doors closed.

_Hmmm… alone in a lift. I wonder what he’d do if I pushed the stop button and kissed him?_

The Doctor gaped at Rose, but thankfully, the doors opened to Floor 500 before he could say anything.

That night, for the second night in a row, he lectured his ship.

 _Oh, don’t act innocent,_ he said when she chimed in response to his first question. _I know what you’re up to. But I told you. Rose deserves better._

She hummed in exasperation, and the Doctor threw up his hands. _What do you mean, I need her? 900 years old, and I’ve made it this far without Rose Tyler._

The TARDIS didn’t even acknowledge that claim, so the Doctor tried another tack.

_Look, you know how humans are about their thoughts being invaded. An’ Rose wasn’t happy when I told her you’re telepathic. So how do you think she’d feel if she knew you were passing her thoughts on to me?_

The TARDIS paused thoughtfully, but finally agreed.

The Doctor let out a sigh of relief and went to bed. It was hard enough to stay away from Rose when he _wasn’t_ being hit with every one of her… personal thoughts.

Months passed, and the Doctor forgot about the brief glimpse into Rose’s head. Then one day they followed a mauve alert to World War II, and fraught with jealousy, he allowed Rose to goad him into dancing.

The Doctor looked at the gorgeous woman in his arms and sighed. _Goad—hah!_ She’d barely had to ask before he’d taken her hand.

Rose looked up at him, and something in her warm brown eyes made his hearts race. He tried to control his desire for her. She wouldn’t want him, not with her defrocked captain waiting in the wings.

_I wish I could tell you how much I want to kiss you._

The Doctor stared down at her, reeling from the yearning in that thought. Before he could do anything stupid, they were teleported out, and the moment was lost.

He didn’t bother questioning the TARDIS about that slip. He knew exactly why she’d let that through—because Rose wanted him to know.

After that, it became increasingly hard to keep his distance from her. Every time he hugged her, every time she took his hand, her longing was there, under the surface of her skin. As closely as it echoed his own, he knew that it was only a matter of time before he caved and gave himself and Rose what they both wanted.

But the Daleks came first. Instead of the tender first kiss he’d dreamed of, the Doctor had to satisfy himself with a kiss to Rose’s forehead as he sent her away. He hated the lost opportunities, but it seemed their time was up.

The last thing he expected to hear as he stared down the Emperor of the Daleks was his own ship. And when Rose stepped out and he realised what she’d done, he wanted to scream at the TARDIS for allowing it. Rose couldn’t hold onto the Time Vortex, and she didn’t know how to let it go. He was going to lose her.

The Doctor had to look away when Rose admitted she was in pain. “The power’s going to kill you,” he told her, heartbroken, “and it’s my fault.”

The TARDIS smacked him with a virtual 2x4. _You can take it out of her._

The ship felt different in his head, and the Doctor realised he was hearing Bad Wolf, not just the TARDIS alone. Bad Wolf was both her _and_ Rose, working together.

“I can see everything,” Rose said. Time echoed in her voice, and the Doctor looked up at her again. “All that is, all that was, all that ever could be.”

The Doctor stood up and looked down at this incredible woman he was in love with. The TARDIS was right. He _could_ take it out of her, and give them both what they’d been wanting at the same time.

“That’s what I see. All the time. And doesn’t it drive you mad?”

Pain flickered through Rose’s gold-tinted eyes. “My head.”

“Come here,” the Doctor beckoned, holding his arms out for her.

“It’s killing me,” she sobbed.

It would kill him, too, but he would regenerate. “I think you need a Doctor,” he said, then pulled her into his arms. As he pressed his lips to hers, he hoped fervently that Rose would like his new body. Because one taste of Rose Tyler would never be enough.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it is Rose's turn to hear thoughts that are not her own.

Rose wrapped her fingers around a coral strut and peered at the man who’d just replaced the Doctor in a burst of golden light. He danced around the console, wearing the Doctor’s leather coat and acting like it was his right to be adjusting the dials and controls.

“Six P.M. Tuesday, October 5006…” he muttered to himself, before spinning one last control and looking up at her with a broad smile on his face. “On the way to Barcelona!”

Rose stared at the stranger. There was still a song in her head, just like she remembered from before, when she’d… done something to come back to the Doctor. It made it hard to concentrate, but she tried to clear her head.

“Now then... what do I look like?” the interloper asked. Then he held up his hands and shook his head. “No, no no, no no no no no no no. No. Don’t tell me.”

Rose watched as he took an inventory of his body, counting appendages, noting a weakness in his wrist, looking positively chuffed about his hair…

_He’s mad,_ she realised as he patted his belly and commented on being thinner than before. _The Doctor’s gone and he’s left me with a lunatic._

“Go on then, tell me,” he said finally, straightening up and grinning at her. “What do you think?”

There was only one question Rose could think to ask. “Who are you?”

His throat worked a few times, and then, without his mouth moving, Rose heard, _No no no, please Rose. Please, you know me._

Rose blinked—how had she heard the stranger’s voice when he’d just stood there, staring at her? “No, I don’t know you,” she said anyway, wondering if this was some kind of weird ventriloquist’s trick or something.

His face fell, and he took a step towards her, one hand out. “Yes, you do,” he insisted. “I’m the Doctor.”

_Please, Rose. You called me your Doctor before._

A flash of gold filled Rose’s field of vision for just a moment, and she heard a voice that sounded like herself, and yet not herself, say, “I want you safe—my Doctor.”

Still, she shook her head slightly. “That’s not possible,” she said firmly. “The Doctor… he… I saw him sort of explode, and then you replaced him, like a- a teleport or a body swap or something.” She swallowed back tears. “Bring him back,” she demanded, forcing as much strength into her voice as possible.

His shoulders drooped. “You… You saw me, Rose. I changed.” He pointed over his shoulder, at the spot where Rose had last seen the Doctor. “You were right there; you saw it happen.”

_You watched me regenerate. You saw it happen._

Rose wrinkled her forehead and took a hesitant step towards the stranger. “What’s… regenerate mean?” she asked.

The man’s eyebrows flew up to his hairline and he rocked back on his heels. But he didn’t hesitate to answer. “I told you, right before it happened,” he said quietly. “It’s a Time Lord trick, a way of cheating death. If I’m fatally injured, instead of dying, I can change every cell in my body. I look different, but inside, I’m still me.”

“You can’t be,” Rose denied. He looked and sounded nothing like the Doctor.

The man claiming to be the Doctor took another step towards her. He looked straight into her eyes, and Rose thought she maybe saw the Doctor there, even though the eyes were brown when she was used to blue.

“Then how could I remember this?” he asked. “Very first word I ever said to you. Trapped in that cellar. Surrounded by shop window dummies.” He pressed his tongue to the back of his teeth and looked at the ceiling, lost in memory. “Oh… such a long time ago. I took your hand…”

Rose shivered when he acted out their first meeting. Palm to palm, there was no denying this man was the Doctor. She looked at their hands, then back at him, and finally, he was smiling again.

“I said one word—just one word. I said, ‘Run.’”

_Your hand in mine, Rose Tyler. Nothing has ever felt so right._

“Doctor,” Rose breathed.

He grinned happily. “Hello,” he said, his voice filled with relief.

Rose watched him dance around the console room, rambling about all the times they’d run for their lives, and the one time they’d hopped. He was just so… different, and she couldn’t help but miss the other Doctor, the quieter Doctor, the one who’d held her while she’d cried over her dad’s death.

All the energy drained out of him. He looked at her, and the lost expression on his face tugged at her heart. “Do you want me to change back?” he asked.

_I would if I could, for you Rose I would, but I can’t do it. Please don’t ask me to… please don’t reject me._

Rose still wasn’t sure how she was hearing the Doctor’s voice when his lips weren’t moving, but his desperate longing for her acceptance had her shaking her head, even though that’s exactly what she’d wanted a few minutes ago.

And yet, at the same time, for the Doctor to be so… so open and emotional was painfully out of character, and made her yearn for something familiar, if she couldn’t have the Doctor she knew.

He sighed and moved back to the console. “Right. Change of course,” he said soberly, his nimble hands moving over the dials. “Cancel Barcelona. Change to London, the Powell Estate.”

He looked at her while one hand kept turning the wheel that controlled the temporal coordinates, and the sad smile on his face hit Rose harder than crying or yelling would have. She’d hurt him—she’d hurt the Doctor, and she didn’t know how to make it right.

He shrugged and stopped the wheel. “Ah, let’s say the 24th of December. Consider it a Christmas present.”

Rose looked at the console, then at the new, different Doctor. He had his arms crossed over his chest, like his old leather jacket would keep him from getting hurt.

“I’m going home?” she asked, then wrinkled her nose. The word sounded wrong on her tongue. The flat hadn’t been home for ages.

She bit her lip and stared down at the floor. _But what if this Doctor doesn’t want me?_

_Oh, Rose. I’ll always want you, but I love you too much to make you stay if you don’t want to._

Rose gasped, and her head flew up so she could look at the Doctor again. He’d turned away and was fiddling with the radio dial, so he didn’t catch her staring at him.

“Well, I thought… maybe a visit? Stay for a few days?” He made a face. “Oh, there’s something I never thought I’d do. Willingly submit to time spent with Jackie Tyler.”

Rose felt like she ought to be upset on her mum’s behalf, but she was still reeling after hearing the Doctor say he loved her. Plus, honesty his little jab at her mum was the first time this new man had sounded like the Doctor, and she was honestly glad to find something familiar in him. It made it easier to believe he was still the Doctor.

He spun around to look at her. “I’m still me,” he said, putting his hand to his chest. “I swear, Rose, I’m still me.”

Rose nodded slowly. “All right then, a visit,” she agreed. “Because the last thing she knew, I was flying off to face the Daleks with you. She deserves to know we’re alive.”

“Don’t think she’ll be that excited I’ve survived,” the Doctor muttered. “Your mum, Rose Ty—”

Her name cut off on a grunt, and Rose stepped towards him and put her hand on his back. “Doctor? Are you all right?”

That was when the evening went from bad to worse. Rose’s panic returned, sidelining all thoughts of the Doctor’s shocking confession. Watching the relatively rational Doctor lose his grip on reality was almost as terrifying as watching him change had been.

_Maybe that’s just who he is now._ As soon as the thought entered her mind, the humming in the back of her head changed pitch and somehow, she knew the Doctor was sick.

Very sick.

Very sick, and throwing them through the Vortex at a pace even the TARDIS complained about, with a high-pitched whine that made Rose wince.

His gaze met hers over the console as the ship rocked violently. Despite his manic determination, she could see a hint of fear in his eyes.

_I can’t stop it. I can’t stop it Rose, and we’re going to crash. You’re the only one who can save us now._

oOoOoOoOo

Rose didn’t register what had happened right away. In fact, it embarrassed her to admit that she didn’t catch on until she stepped back into the TARDIS the next afternoon, carrying the Doctor.

The hum sounded different—sickly and weak instead of strong and cheerful. Rose looked at the Doctor, lying on the grating, and up at the time rotor, and she knew. It hadn’t been in her head. She could hear the TARDIS, and the Doctor.

But right then, with an unconscious Time Lord and a race of aliens threatening to enslave the planet, Rose didn’t have time to think about her sudden telepathy. She shoved the realisation to the back of her mind, where it would wait until she could actually ask the Doctor what it meant.

Watching the new Doctor wield a sword in defence of the planet removed what little remained of Rose’s doubts. Her Doctor was still with her, and… if she’d heard his thoughts correctly, he _definitely_ still wanted to be with her.

She wanted to question him about her suspicions as soon as they got back to Earth, but her mum dragged her inside to help with dinner preparations, and the Doctor disappeared into the TARDIS with a rambling, disjointed comment about needing to find new clothes for this body.

His hopeful smile and giddy little bounce when he entered the flat in his new suit were accompanied by a wordless desire for her approval. Rose made sure to give it in the way she slowly checked him out, but at the same time, the exchange only strengthened her determination to talk to him at the very first opportunity.

_How long am I going to have to wait to get him alone?_ she wondered impatiently as they sat through Christmas dinner. Bev’s phone call came at just the right moment, and as they stepped out into the snow, Rose made sure to stick close to the Doctor.

“Oh, it’s beautiful,” she murmured, looking up at the white flakes fluttering to the ground. Bursts of light streaked across the sky. “What are they, meteors?”

The Doctor shook his head. “It’s the spaceship breaking up in the atmosphere. This isn’t snow—it’s ash.”

Rose wrinkled her nose and brushed some of the ash off her jacket. “Okay, not so beautiful.”

The Doctor stopped in front of the TARDIS, only a few feet from her doors. Even from this far away, Rose could hear the ship singing in her head.

“This is a brand new planet Earth,” he said, staring up at the sky. “No denying the existence of aliens now. Everyone saw it. Everything’s new.”

_Just like me._

The Doctor looked down at her, and Rose was surprised by the uncertainty in his eyes. His hands were in his pockets, so she stepped closer to him and put her hand on his arm. Immediately, some of the lines between his brows disappeared.

She shifted closer and offered him a smile, a cheeky smile with a hint of tongue peeking out to tease him. “They might know that aliens exist, but none of them get to travel in the TARDIS and visit alien worlds.”

The Doctor’s eyes lit up and he turned to face her. “You still want to come, then?”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Well, yeah.”

“Do you, though?” he pressed. “I just thought, because I changed.”

The uncertainty and self-doubt in his voice sent a stab of guilt through her—she’d made him feel that way with her reluctance to accept him. Rose reached up to brush an invisible piece of lint off the lapel of his brown suede coat. The Doctor held completely still, and she looked into his eyes. There was something she hadn’t tried yet, and she didn’t know if it would work, but…

_I made my choice a long time ago, and I’m never going to leave you._

The Doctor’s eyes widened, and he swayed slightly on his feet. Rose grabbed onto his lapel, and he wrapped an arm around her waist to hold himself steady.

_Oh, Rose._

The ardent devotion in his voice wrecked her. Her eyes darted to his lips, then met his gaze. The Doctor’s hand flexed on her waist, and she willingly complied with the silent request to move closer to him.

Rose knew they needed to talk. She knew there were things he needed to explain, but right now, all she cared about was closing the distance between herself and the Doctor and feeling his lips on hers for the first time. Guilt flashed in his eyes, and he took half a step back, but Rose followed.

In the end, it was Mickey who broke their intimate moment. “You’re never going to stay, are you?”

The tips of the Doctor’s ears turned red. He let go of her waist and raked his hand through his hair, and Rose had to clench her hands into fists to resist the urge to ruffle his hair even more.

“Rose? You’re just going to keep travelling, aren’t you?”

Rose pressed her lips together and took a deep breath through her nose before turning around to look at Mickey. He didn’t know what he’d interrupted, and he didn’t deserve to be snapped at.

“There’s just so much out there,” she said, begging him to understand. “So much to see. I’ve got to.”

He sighed and nodded. “Yeah.”

Her mum was less understanding. “Well, I reckon you’re mad, the pair of you. It’s like you go looking for trouble.” She rubbed her hands vigorously over her arms to warm herself as she dropped that accusation.

The Doctor swaggered over to talk to her mum, and Rose clasped her hands in front of her chest when he rested a hand on Jackie’s back as he explained their life to her, one more time.

“Trouble’s just the bits in between,” he said, giving Rose a quick wink. “It’s all waiting out there, Jackie, and it’s brand new to me. All those planets, and creatures and horizons. I haven’t seem them yet! Not with these eyes.”

Her mum stared at her when the Doctor whirled away from her, and Rose knew that look in her eyes. _Do you know what you’re getting yourself in for? Is this really the life you want?_

Rose nodded quickly, then watched, enraptured, as the Doctor sauntered back to her. She turned as he walked by her, and his coat brushed against her legs.

Then he was leaning down to whisper in her ear, and she suppressed a shiver when she felt his cool breath tickle her skin. “And it is going to be fantastic.”

Hearing his old favourite word on these new lips made Rose’s heart beat a little faster. They _were_ going to have a fantastic life, just like he’d asked her to do. She could see the promise in her new Doctor’s eyes and she knew that without a doubt.

But first they needed to talk. She glanced over her shoulder and watched her mum and Mickey disappear into Bucknall House, then looked back at the Doctor. “Can we go into the TARDIS?” she asked, nodding at it. “I want to talk to you about something.”

The Doctor’s Adam’s apple bobbed, and his gaze darted from side to side. Even though the look was new on this new Doctor, Rose knew immediately that he was looking for a way out.

She reached up and touched his tie, letting her fingers run down it. Then she looked at him through her eyelashes and bit her lip. “Please, Doctor?”

“That’s… oh, that’s not fair, Rose Tyler,” he muttered as he reached into his trouser pocket for his key. “Less than twenty-four hours in this body, and you’ve already found my Achilles heel.”

He pushed the door open, and Rose smirked as she followed him into the dimly lit ship. “It might be a new body, Doctor, but you’re still the same man.”

She watched in fascination as a burst of giddy relief radiated out of his tall, lanky form. A little giggle that she instantly adored; a wide, toothy smile that showed off his own tongue; and a small bounce as he shoved his hands into his pockets—the emotion was telegraphed so clearly in his every motion that she would have known what he was thinking, even if she couldn’t hear his relieved gratitude.

_Ah. That’s why I wanted to talk to him._

Rose leaned against a pillar. What she was about to ask would change their lives, and she felt the tiniest bit of guilt for springing the question on him without any warning. Then she considered that he obviously hadn’t told her the truth about what had happened on the Game Station, and the guilt was easily banished.

“Rose?”

She crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah. I was just wondering, Doctor… You’ve never told me what really happened on the Game Station.”

The Doctor froze and his eyes widened, blown pupils revealing his sudden panic. “What really happened?” he asked, his voice squeaking.

Rose pushed off from the strut and strolled towards him. “Yeah. See, I know something happened, because I’ve heard your voice in my head ever since.”

He swallowed hard, making his Adam’s apple bob.

She hopped up on the jump seat leaned forward, pressing her palms into the worn leather. “So, I think it’s time you told me the full story. Don’t you?”


	3. Chapter 3

_Previously..._

Rose leaned against a pillar. What she was about to ask would change their lives, and she felt the tiniest bit of guilt for springing the question on him without any warning. Then she considered that he obviously hadn’t told her the truth about what had happened on the Game Station, and the guilt was easily banished.

“Rose?”

She crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah. I was just wondering, Doctor… You’ve never told me what really happened on the Game Station.”

The Doctor froze and his eyes widened, blown pupils revealing his sudden panic. “What really happened?” he asked, his voice squeaking.

Rose pushed off from the strut and strolled towards him. “Yeah. See, I know something happened, because I’ve heard your voice in my head ever since.”

He swallowed hard, making his Adam’s apple bob.

She hopped up on the jump seat and leaned forward, pressing her palms into the worn leather. “So, I think it’s time you told me the full story. Don’t you?”

**Chapter Three**

Reeling from the revelation that Rose was apparently telepathic, the Doctor considered lying to her. But, as if she’d read his mind—and he had to admit that was a possibility—she crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him.

He tugged on his ear and pointed to the corridor. “Right,” he squeaked. “Absolutely. Why don’t we go sit down in the library and I’ll tell you all about it?”

Rose pursed her lips and studied him, but she seemed to decide he was sincere, because she slid off the jump seat and led the way down the corridor.

The Doctor kept his word. Sitting in the warm comfort of the library, he told Rose the whole story, from his point of view, starting with the moment he’d realised he would have to kill everyone on the Game Station to stop the Daleks. His immediate decision to send her home, how Jack and a few brave souls had fought off the Daleks, the Dalek Emperor’s challenge—coward or killer?

He stared into the fire. “And then, just as I thought the Daleks were finally going to exterminate me once and for all, I heard the most beautiful sound in the universe—the TARDIS engines.” He smiled wryly. “The Dalek Emperor was furious, thinking I’d found a way to escape. But I hadn’t—it was you who had found a way to rescue me.”

He chanced a glance at Rose, and the deep furrow between her eyebrows told him the memory block he’d placed in her mind was holding.

“But how?” she asked. “I remember… I remember talking to Mum and Mickey, and telling them I couldn’t just stay there while you were on the Game Station dying. And then…” Her face scrunched up, but eventually, she shook her head. “I can’t remember anything else.”

The Doctor blew out a breath. This was the part he didn’t want to explain, but she deserved to know at least some of the truth. “You looked into the heart of the TARDIS,” he told her. “Opened her up and looked into the Time Vortex. You merged with her, and together, you flew back to the Game Station. And then you used the power of Time itself to wipe every last Daleks from existence.” He carefully steered clear of thoughts of Jack, not prepared for that conversation tonight.

Rose pressed her hands to her temples. “Why can’t I remember?” she asked, her voice muffled. “I’m trying, but things get hazy after I told Mum and Mickey I was gonna come back, and then the memories are just gone until I woke up in the TARDIS right before you regenerated.”

The Doctor swallowed hard. This was the part of the story he’d been dreading most. He was under no delusion that Rose would appreciate him mucking about in her brain without her permission. He only hoped she would understand when he explained how much danger she’d been in.

“No one’s meant to look into the Time Vortex,” he explained, his voice soft. “That kind of power… If a Time Lord did it, they’d become a vengeful god. But you, Rose… you were a goddess of life. You came in and you saved us all.”

He stared at the fire, the flickering orange and red flames reminding him of Rose as the Bad Wolf. An echo of fear shot through him when he remembered the tears in Rose’s eyes as she confessed that her head was killing her, and he had to clear his throat before he could continue.

“But it was killing you—literally burning out your mind. I had to take it from you.”

And he’d done so with a kiss, with the most perfect first kiss ever. The fact that Rose would never remember that kiss hurt, but that was the price he had to pay for keeping her alive.

“Doctor,” Rose whispered, her voice strained. “Is that… is that when you… why you…” She stared up at him, her eyes finishing the question her mouth couldn’t.

The Doctor smiled gently and brushed a strand of hair back over her ear. “Yes. No one is meant to hold that power—not a human, and not a Time Lord. But it was worth it, Rose. I mean… I know we’ve had a rough few days, but we’re both still here. If I hadn’t taken the Vortex from you, I’d be alone.” Tears glistened in her eyes, but she nodded.

A moment later, her frown deepened. “But you still haven’t explained why I can’t remember.”

The Doctor shifted in his seat. “Ah. Yes. Well… Even though I took the Vortex out of you, part of the danger lies in the memory. I didn’t know how much danger the memory of being Bad Wolf would carry, so I… mighthavehiddenyourmemories.”

“Say that again… slower.” Rose’s low voice indicated she’d understood him just fine, but couldn’t believe her ears.

The Doctor flinched, then said, “When I took the Vortex out of you, I went into your mind and hid your entire memory of being Bad Wolf—from the moment you saw the graffiti on the playground, which is why your memories start to go fuzzy _before_ you opened the heart of the TARDIS.”

There was a long, long pause, during which the Doctor didn’t dare look at Rose. He could feel her anger buffeting against his mind, and he simply sat in his corner of the couch and waited for her explosion.

It never came.

“Give them back.”

The Doctor whipped his head around at the quiet words. “What?”

Rose’s jaw was set. “Unblock my memories.”

“But—”

Her eyes glinted gold, and he snapped his jaw shut.

“You had no right, Doctor,” she said, enunciating each word so clearly, he could almost feel them cut into his skin. “You went into my mind and took something that belongs to me without asking. And you did it not because you knew it would kill me, but because it _might_ be dangerous. You had no right.”

The repeated words shook with anger. The Doctor wanted to argue, but Rose was correct. He had gone into her mind without her permission, and he hadn’t had the right.

He nodded. “All right. I’ll unlock them, but you have to promise to tell me immediately if you feel any discomfort at all. Any headaches or dizziness, anything.”

He couldn’t control his fear, and after a moment, he felt Rose’s anger abate a little. She took his hand.

“I promise. But please, Doctor. Give me my memories back.”

Rose held her breath and waited while the Doctor raised his hands to her temples. There were lines around his eyes, and she knew he was terrified for her, but she needed to know what had happened. She’d fudged the truth earlier when she’d told Mickey that flying the TARDIS was blocked off, like it was forbidden. Truthfully, she hadn’t remembered flying the ship until Mickey said something.

The Doctor closed his eyes, and a moment later Rose felt a slight pressure in her mind as he formed a telepathic connection between them. She let her eyes close instinctively, and then she could see them both in her mind’s eye, standing in a room that looked like the console room.

 _All right, I locked your memories away under the console,_ the Doctor explained. He moved around the console-in-her-mind and pressed a few buttons, and then a panel opened and familiar golden light streamed out of it. _It’s not real, of course._

Rose opened her mouth to snark at him for stating the obvious, but as the light surrounded her, she felt the memories fall back into place. She remembered it all—staring into the heart of the TARDIS, becoming the Bad Wolf, the determination she and the TARDIS had shared to keep the Doctor safe.

And she remembered something else she had done. With the Time Vortex in her mind, she’d been able to see every moment of Time in an instant—all that is, all that was, all that ever could be. She’d seen the moment she would be separated from the Doctor, and the fragmented timelines that went on from Canary Wharf… and then she’d reached through the possibilities of “all that ever could be” and selected a different path.

She looked at the Doctor. _I made my choice a long time ago, and I’m never going to leave you._

He pressed his lips together, and the muscle in his jaw flexed. _That’s impossible,_ he said, his voice short. _You’re human, and I’m…_

Rose shook her head, interrupting him. There would be no separation for them, ever. Not at Canary Wharf, as UNIT officials received an anonymous tip from Bad Wolf that the agency had far overstepped its bounds and put the entire planet at risk.

Not even the ravages of Time would part them. Rose brought the Doctor’s mind closer to hers and let him see the memory she’d just recovered.

The exposure to the Time Vortex had begun changing her physically the moment she’d looked into the heart of the TARDIS. With the same power that had destroyed the Daleks and given Jack immortality—she glared at the Doctor for a moment, but let that go for another day—she’d poured the essence of time into herself and the Doctor, giving them both the traditional twelve regenerations of a Time Lord.

A flash of shock went over their connection, and then Rose felt a jolt as the Doctor’s fingers accidentally moved from her temples. She opened her eyes and looked up at him.

The Doctor’s mouth hung open. “What?” He shook his head and raked his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, _what?_ ”

The repeated words would have made Rose giggle, if she hadn’t recognised the emotion in his eyes as he stared at her. His eyes were wide and shining with shocked amazement, but his jaw was tense. She’d seen that combination of awe and fear on his face before—when she’d stepped out of the TARDIS as Bad Wolf.

And now one final memory slotted back into place. The Doctor reaching for her as the power of the Time Vortex burned through her mind. Tugging her close, then bending down to press his lips to hers. Pulling the Vortex out of her, starting the process of his own regeneration.

She quickly shoved down the guilt stirred up by that memory. He’d died for her, just as she had been willing to die for him. She couldn’t deny him the right to sacrifice himself when she’d been determined to do the same.

“Why would you do that for me?”

Rose’s heart broke when his voice cracked on the last word. She scooted closer, eliminating most of the distance between them, and cupped his jaw in her hand. “Because you were right,” she told him quietly. “I _do_ need a Doctor. I will always need a Doctor, no matter what you look like.”

She held her breath, waiting for him to realise that if she remembered everything, of course she remembered that perfect kiss. The Doctor’s forehead furrowed adorably, but a moment later, a blush spread across his face, showing freckles that had been hidden before.

“Ah. That. I realise it’s not… I mean, kissing you when you wouldn’t remember… I suppose I shouldn’t…”

Rose moved her fingers to cover his mouth, giggling a little when his lips kept moving under her hand. “Doctor, it’s fine,” she told him. “I’d been wanting to kiss you forever.”

To her surprise, he blushed even harder. His mouth moved again, and she pulled her hand away to listen to him ramble.

“Well… I might have known that, too. That is to say… you know I’m telepathic. Well of course you know I’m telepathic, now that you are too.” He tugged on his ear and stared over her left shoulder, instead of looking right at her. “And Time Lord telepathy is typically limited to touch telepathy, _unless_ we have our barriers down and someone nearby is thinking about us.”

Rose bit her lip and tried to work through what he’d just said. He’d been embarrassed when she told him she’d wanted to kiss him forever, and then he’d rambled about telepathy…

“Oh, God,” she groaned, dropping her head into her hands. “You heard all the times I thought about kissing you?” _An’ more than kissing?_ she added silently.

The Doctor squeaked and reached up to loosen his tie. He’d certainly never heard any of those… other thoughts from Rose, and now he couldn’t decide if he felt like he’d been cheated, or if he were grateful Rose’s privacy hadn’t been invaded to that degree. With a reluctant sigh, he settled on the latter after a moment.

“Not all the times?” he said, his voice higher pitched than usual. “I asked the TARDIS to help me block them, because I wanted you to have your privacy.” He reached out and with a hand on her jaw, encouraged Rose to look at him again. “I promise, Rose. My mistake on the Game Station notwithstanding, I have always respected your privacy.”

The Doctor tried not to panic when Rose’s expression didn’t change, but at the same time, he was silently pleading with her to believe him, to trust that he hadn’t taken advantage of the unique insight he’d had into her desires.

 _And it’s not like I gave in and kissed you before, even though I wanted it just as much as you did,_ he added.

Rose tilted her head, and her hair fell over her shoulder. The Doctor’s hearts thudded painfully in his chest when she slowly licked her lips. He watched in fascination as she reached for his tie and played with the end.

“So…” she drawled, and her husky voice sent a shudder through the Doctor. “Will I need to spend the next year projecting thoughts about how tempting your bottom lip is before you kiss me again?”

The Doctor’s mouth when dry when she looked up at him through her eyelashes. He swallowed hard as he shook his head. “I don’t think that will be necessary,” he whispered. He leaned towards her slowly, giving her time to back away if this wasn’t what she wanted.

Instead, Rose pulled gently on his tie, and a moment later, they sighed in satisfaction when the longing they’d both felt was finally fulfilled.


End file.
